ONe more Heartache

I truly don't understand why I can still feel heartache at my age. I'm post puppy love, have been married and divorced, have raised a child, have had boyfriends, .  .  I found an old boyfriend who had been a major  heartbreak in my twenties,  apologized to him for my bad behavior, found out that he was on the latest  of four bad marriages, but wants to make a go of it , but now instead of just retaining a distance, i've gone all romantic..  what a bitch.  it's very ego killing to have a bad love affair late in life. when you're young, you figure you'll learn from your mistakes., but to let my guard down this late in life just makes me sick at myself, makes me feel like a fool...like Marvin Gaye once wrote

One more heartache baby, I can't take it now. my heart is carrying such a heavy load, one more ache could break it. just like the camel with the heavy pack one last straw broke the camels back .  One more heartache, I can't take it now

One more heartache it would turn me right around.  First you build my hopes up, then you let me down. Like a house that's built with toothpicks sittin up on a kitchen table, one last toothpick tore it down, the foundation was not able  Oh, one more, one more heartache, I can't take it now., .

Jerry Agony RIP

I don't know why some people just want to die young and beautiful.  Jerry  Agony was a teen rock star at CBGBs and Max's with the Contortions and Richard Hell...and then he just got sick from too much of everything and then he died.  Two days ago..Never got to be old and 50.  Joey Zero was so messed up, cause they were best buddies.  Jerry's parents were so broken hearted...Felix Cabrera canceled a gig to go to his wake  so that he could translate for his poor mother who just had this one son late in life..and then in her late 80s has to bury him.his father, so sweet, an elegant gentleman..just like Jerry

Uploading Berlin Pics

Letter to a wannabe ExPat Man

Dear expat Man,
I spent a long time outside the US, having been brainwashed by Henry miller, james Baldwin and anais nin, as a child growing up in flushing, Queens. The upshot of running away to Europe was that I was eclipsed in music by babes like cyndi lauper (who was cute but not beautiful), and Madonna, who sounded like connie francis and had dance steps right out of “introduction to Jazz 101”. Sure I hung out with exotic drag queens in berlin (most, I might add, are gone, due to their insisting on tricking with strangers they met along the ku’damm) Toured in now non-existent communist countries, and got to play punk rock (an unfortunate musical form for any vocalist choosing not to bellow) but what was the payoff? Do I own a house, like most people of the baby boom generation?? Nope. Do I have a retirement fund?? Nope, unless I marry someone and then kill them. Do I have a career? Yes, if you call playing old soul classics for drunken tourists in Greenwich village is a career. I say, screw expatriatism. Stay home. Marry for money, have babies, and save your traveling for your retirement days. Sincerely, Joy RYDER (the vanilla queen of soul).

Going to Berlin

Well, Jess and I are finally gonna get on the Queen Mary and go to the other side of the Atlantic. It's a good time of the year, and I've lost my job..so no reason to scrap vacation plans..actually, time to EXTEND the holiday..since it might be one of the last times that Jess and I actually travel together..actually, I'd prefer to tour with him...on bass or guitar or with his whole band...I've got to figure how to upload a pic..on this thing..I love Blogger..