Another shooting on Staten Island

Man, this place is getting crazy. Three nights ago I heard a bunch of "pop, pop, pops" up the street. "Man, THIS TIME it's just fireworks.." I said to myself, I said. "The kids bought them for Memorial Day weekend, by mistake. They got mixed up maybe, and thought you shoot them off like you do on the Fourth of July." In my neighborhood with it's ever growing Indio, Ecquadorian and Hondorian population, some amount of cultural confusion would be understandable. I ignored the firecrackers, and went back to channel surfing; trying to decompress after a long weekend upstate with my ex, his girlfriend and their circle of maniac friends. I was clicking dumbly between Law and Order and some nonsense on Court TV. I was alone, having dropped Jess off to meet his girlfriend at the movies downtown in Tribeca. The next morning, at my son's school, where I was prepping for a 6th grade weekly drama class I teach (presently working on a cold reading of Act 1 Scene One of West Side Story, about a murder and gangs in 1950s Hell's Kitchen), I got a call from a friend who works at Child Protective Custody. "Did you hear about your friends?" She says, laughing..(Nini is on some mental pills, anti psychotics and stuff, so she has a tendency to blurt things out and laugh inappropriately..well, inappropriately to me, but she's funny, so I like her)
What friends?, sez I.
Those guys in the commune. That guy Jeff got shot.
Now, I know a lot of people in the commune. They kind of stand out, since they are the only other white folks in the neighborhood except for Mrs. Adams, and she's an octogenarian shut in, and Jackie and Bill across the street, who are old hippies trying to keep the neighborhood a Sesame Street ethnic mosaic. Oh yeah, and Mary the sculptress and her son....Lately, it's become ghettoville, with drivebys and police helicopters with floodlights flying over my house at odd hours.., as corny as the stuff I watch on Cable TV, but I digress..
I know of Jeff, vaguely. I've seen him with the GANAS crew, coming back from a party, or a group outing. They often go out to events together, and came to a gig I had, years ago, at Le BarBat. They also came to All Angels Church once, to hear us sing. I've been buddies with Katie, crying on her shoulder when I was mishandled at the food stamp office, across from their store, and I met with them once, to discuss the possibility of having an open air rock festival on their land upstate. I know several of the other commune people too, cause I used to be a "thrifty", a compulsive thrift shop buyer, cruising old Pucci, Gucci and Fiorucci stuff in their thrift shop. Eventually I stopped the habit: my costume designer friend Maria from Berlin would always mention how used clothes have a sweat smell and aura of the old people who wore them..Even with all that negative persuasion, I remained a thrift store junkie.... I cruised garage sales and auctions until I was so chock full of crazy stuff that I never used that I started a thrift shop of my own, with a mentally ill boyfriend who was impossible with all the schlepping, and haggling and boyfriend stressing, I got sick of old clothes...before going out of business, I sold the rest of the stuff to the Ganas people...and they were very cool. They bought a lot of really nice 70's bellbottoms, patch pockets and corderoy, unworn, given to me by a church member who also was struggling with a buying addiction..which went back to the 70s, he never wore the stuff, just bought everything on sale, just in case...he was raised in an orphanage, and craved new clothes, but went overboard..so they were exchanged hands several times.Lately, I don't do much shopping..so I haven't seen the Ganas people.... I don't have much money anymore, so I don't buy much of anything...but it was strange to hear that one ot them was shot.
Nini said the shooter was a woman, a stalker...an ex-lover of aformentioned Jeff
Shakespeare said "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"...ain't that right?

I bought the paper, and found the article on the front page, all about the Ganas commune, their free love philosophy, their property, and about Stalker Lady. Apparently the cops hadn't followed up on Stalker Ladies' threats...I had a stalker too, when the thrift shop partner/boyfriend decided he was going to either marry me or kill me...and he kept harrassing me. The cops wouldn't do anything about it, either..there's a loophole in the law, because he wasn't my common law husband....Thank God boyfriend gave up after 2 years. He slowed down with the threatening calls and surprise visits to my home and workplaces..but that was lucky. Jeff's stalker was chasing him for 15 years.

Before I read it in the Daily Blues, I had heard that the Ganas people were into free love. This was another reason I backed away from hanging with them. I'd read about the Oneida community and the DaDa community in the 19th century..the former made nice silverware, the latter nice art, but that stuff's not for me....I'm a monogamist or at least a serial monogamist...and don't like open relationships..having been around during the experimental sexual revolution..most of that stuff was ugly..it always gave me the creeps..whether they were alternative hippies, or suburban swingers..yuch..I agreed with Wilhelm Reich and considered Satyr's Disease or Nymphomania forms of mental illness. I had been the babysitter for the head of the John Birch Society in Queens. as a teenager. I didn't know the political platform of the group, but I came to find out that John Birch was close to the Ku Klux Klan as you could get in NYC...I learned that he and his wife were swingers..so I always saw wife swapping as the behavior of the depraved mind...so I have always steered clear of that stuff. Despite all that, some of the folks at the commune were nice, kind people, and I genuinely liked them.

I laughed with Nini.We talked of being women cast aside....I guess some people can't handle that free love stuff....I know I couldn't. Looks like the 10 commandments were right, after all. Nini and I talked of going to the commune to do some Christian preaching....It's just a bitch that we've had shooting number 3 within a 4 block radius of my house (two on my block) within 3 weeks..it seems that the world is getting more violent...and this isn't even Iraq.

housing issues in the economic empowerment zone

I live in an "economic empowerment zone"....the PJs are down the street..complete with urine
in the hallway..most of my son's elementary school friends have moved away to better neighborhoods, making this nabe constantly struggling...My house is okay, sort of...The only urine odors in my house I encountered were from the feral
cat that got in through the basement window. (I think he slunk
around to the Chinese joint on the corner and wound up as General
Tso's Chicken)..
This week we have had
1) A shooting in a house with 2 kids..noone was killed but the shooter got away
2) A shooting across the street, while a bunch of loud kids were having a party, 3 shots fired, shooter got away.

I called the police today and they said to call 911 asap anonomously..next time it happens..

I still am trying to figure how to remove the window with the bullet hole that landed in my son's bedroom window last year. I've just taped it up. This neighborhood is getting stupid.

One of the things they tell us in AA is not to make big
decisions in the first year after a major event..ie after the death
of a loved one..or after a divorce..or even after positive
things..birth of a baby or falling in love...so not to make rash
decisions. I will wait to see if the Teaching Fellowship pans out,
where they're placing me..I'll be losing my housing subsidy due to
the income spike, so I should slowly look for something...as for the
kid, I may want to move to a state that has better instate
tuition..I'm all for the multi generational family...He's finished
with HS next year..but I doubt he'll be mature enough to survive on
his own til his early twenties..I wasnt, but had to..and I wouldn't
wish my hardscrabble life on anyone..I'll try not to be rash..

Rethinking my Performance Character before the Great Depression

I've been informed that Mae West was the wealthiest woman during the Great Depression. My new CD has been pressed up, so now I have to make a feeble attempt to promote the thing. The songs are good, the production isn't so I'm pretty lackluster about hustling the disc..But Peter has been helping me get a decent live show together..complete with great old obscure blues tunes..so this could be interesting....I maybe be po'..but there are some cool things that have happened because I've spent some of my time creating sounds/stories from ideas....the mind of an artist is tuned differently. As an artist, I get to see movements, trends, and truths before they're available to the general public. (Hell, I knew Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11 before we invaded the country..so I knew more than most US Senators..dig that...) So now I see a great depression coming, unless we get rid of these foolish men in DC. They've hocked our country up to the eyeballs, to Saudi Arabia and Communist China, abolished tariffs so that our balance of trade is off the charts... Mao Tse Tung said that the Capitalist would sell you the rope to hang him..and it's coming true...Well the depression is almost here, so it might be worth the effort to work on a new singing personae, before the collapse. My former political science professor, Ted Becker, has suggested that I model my aging singing self after Mae West, but I told him I think Lil' Kim has taken over that iconic place in the collective unconscious.. the risque busty, slutty chick with a sense of humor complete with trips to the Women's house of Detention..or in Kim's case Bedford Hills.....I think there are a finite number of roles in the game of life....like characters in the game of Clue..Mr. Whiskers, Dame Flookie..etc..When one human is knocked out of the role whether thru death or age, another takes their place. HOWEVER...the Jean Harlow "white Goddess" (first identified by Robert Graves as a muse/spirit )Is an amazing exception. She has morphed into a zillion interchangable seedpods, Brittany Spears Christine Aguilara, Gwen Stephanie, Ashley and the other Simpson, Paris Hilton , etc..My son's personal ideal is Trish Stratus, a skantily clad lady wrestler..I wonder where he got that imprint..?? I guess being around strong women....speaking of my son..and ..School..school..how wierd..the kid will have to go somewhere..and he's slacking big time..The only places that will take him will probably be Berkelee school of music, or maybe Antioch, or a place I heard of in S. California, that has a pop music department..Unless I let him hang with some scientists..I wish he was a bit more focused on science and math and could get into the tuition free Cooper Union..Blahhh..U of Miami..classical and jazz..and a good GPA...BLAAAHH>>> maybe the U of Florida...also kind of skewed toward classical and big band jazz but PERHAPS..maybe he needs to go to a community college, get a good GPA then transfer to a decent school.. He's a good actor...I'd like him to take more acting.. BLLLAAAH anyhow, so much for schooly stuff. He might just have to play bass for my band...

12 million shadow people

Alex and I ran around the demo in front of City Hall on Monday. We were in the front, but were pushed around, the police using the same old crowd tactics they used in the anti-war demonstrations of years past..noone got let into the parade route, everyone got let out..to minimize the crowd..the immigrants were hopeful..upbeat, positive..Last week, in the LA demos, the immigrants were waving Mexican flags, but since that created angst in the Nord Americano collective unconscious, the meme was telegraphed that it would be more friendly if all the Mexicanos waved Yanqui flags..which they did...wow..ideas get around fast when people are focused. If only the impeachment movement was as focused..these nutjobs would be out of the White House, and we could become a visionary, progressive humane nation.....I noticed a distinct difference in the attitude of the South Americans and Mexicans since the big demonstrations on Monday. Before, most would avoid my eyes, look down, as if to stay in the shadows. Since Monday, I see a yearning for recognition...a selbstbewustsein..self confidence, after years of dodging police, immigration people, gangs, and whatever...The labor unions were behind the marches, to a great extent, because if they include these folks in their ranks they will no longer be competing as scabs, undercutting US workers wages..How come noone talks of busting Walmart for hiring undocumented workers illegally? When I got home I turned on CNN, and saw the reportage. I was proud of Ted Kennedy and the Irish American priest (who spoke beautiful Spanish) and the Congressman from Maryland with the Irish last name who addressed the big demo down in DC. The Irish, who came en masse, who were vilified, spat on, ignored, hated by those who came before..it was right that their decendants chose to address the unloved and abused immigrants. They need to toughen up the borders, sure, AND they gotta start busting the people who hire people for less than minimum wage, without disability insurance..who don't pay into medicare, social security, taxes, etc. The sons and daughters of the Incas, Aztecs and Mayans are back..Montezuma's revenge??
Maybe I'll take my social security when I retire, and move to Guatemala..just as long as it's peaceful..they can work here, if I can get a nice cheap hacienda there...

America is beautiful.

Church Street NYC

The new Americans...They sure organized themselves quickly. I wish the antiwar people could come out as quickly and strongly. Then we'd see some changes.

Job opportunities

Annie asked me to call her friend Diane, because she's been evicted from her trailer near the Goethals Bridge. She wants me to move her buddy. Today the school called me back, to invite me to sub. Yesterday I had a fat little Chinese kid threaten to hit me..in drama class, he's in Special Ed..the subject I'm supposed to teach soon..so I decided to write and play piano at home today..as poor as I am..I want outta here!!!

Tacos in Port Richmond

>The sign in the window said something in spanish about selling photo ids, so I figured this was an authentic mexican joint. funny, they imagine the gringos can't read espanol, i guess if i moved to mexico city i could put up a sign in english advertising fake id, and noone would be the wiser. anyway, i dragged my son out to dinner, cause the apartment was totally freezing..we ran outta heating fuel. i put in 200 bucks on november 10th, and its now january 10 ish..so i though, okay, 100 per month, not so terrible. i called the fuel company and it turns out they have delivered 1200 dollars worth of fuel in december...or $750 per month. whoah..my rent is just 850...too wierd for words..the downstairs neighbor has moved out, so the landlord is losing money on this money pit..
money troubles abound this post christmas season, more than usual. december 10 i was given a pink slip, my last day of work was the day before christmas eve..i've been sending out resumes..but somethings wrong with it..they don't return my calls..maybe ishould leave off the part where I was a musician for 24 years..that's how i got my last job, by underreporting my life experience..anyhow..being financially off kilter makes me edgy..i've been depressed..can't wake up, cause i can't sleep, and wind up watching movies in the middle of the night...and don't wake my son, who goes to school late, and is pissed...well, my son and i had had an argument this morning, because he got pissed that i didn't pay his phone bill..and i told him to get a job, since i had been recently laid off. he's sixteen.. i got mad and started yelling..he said , wow, you're not much of an adult..no job and no self control..grrrr..anyhow..i gave my substitute teachers license to 3 schools and called a fourth, then went shopping in this mexican village in the middle of staten island. i guess the folks are mexican, or maybe guatamalan..or something..i don't ask, i don't tell..i was kind of astounded by the blossoming of a zillion mexican restaurants..so i guess they're not bulgarian...
i hope to get thru february..that's the tough month..i have a job in june, but spring is way off...meanwhile i can see my breath in the apartment...should I pay the electric, or pay the fuel...??? my stepmom is dead and gone, my fairy godmother who bailed me out after my aneurysm, after my fathers death, when i couldn't afford the dentist..and my tooth fell out...she is somewhere, i pray..and this one month is just a struggle to make me tough..i've struggled most of my life, so why should i complain? my struggles are miniscule compared to the rest of humanity..brazilians must forage for food in garbage dumps, pakistanis huddle under plastic tents in the hills in winter...sudanese are hacked to death by insane arabs..i am not completely able to go off to california or europe to record when i want to ..what's the big deal?